The Spanish way: kissing, tú and speaking loudly in Valencia

You think you know the place, because it's Europe and it's the Mediterranean and how different can it be? Then you land, and you meet a hundred little social codes that aren't yours. Nothing hostile, quite the opposite: behind the etiquette there's a warmth that ends up spoiling you for the reserve you grew up with.

The two-cheek kiss, starting on the right

Coming from the UK, Ireland or the US, where a handshake or a wave is the default, the greeting takes some getting used to. Here you're kissed on both cheeks - two - and you start on the right. For your first week you'll rack up a run of near-collisions with perfectly lovely strangers, both of you lunging the same way. It's done quickly, no fuss, even on a first meeting. You get the hang of it, and you learn to lead with the correct side.

Everyone says "tú"

Spanish has a formal "you" (usted) and an informal one (tú), a bit like the polite register some languages keep for strangers. In Valencia the formal one has all but vanished. You're addressed as tú at the market, at the bank, at the doctor's, sometimes even at the town hall. Usted is reserved for grandparents and very solemn occasions. If you're used to a careful "Sir/Madam" distance with people you don't know, it's disorienting at first, then liberating: everyone is a little bit closer, straight away.

Guapo, guapa, cariño

At the counter, the baker calls you cariño (love, darling), the fishmonger tosses you a guapa (beautiful). It isn't flirting and it isn't a come-on: it's the language of everyday life, a way of softening the exchange. Read too much into it and you'll bristle; refuse to hear the affection in it and you'll miss the point entirely.

Loud is not angry - loud is alive

Then there's the volume. The bars are loud, people talk over one another, they interrupt with gusto. Coming from cultures where raised voices usually mean a row is brewing, your first instinct is to brace for an argument. It's the exact opposite: this is life, energy, presence. People touch your arm, stand close, laugh at full volume. Nobody is upset. You slowly learn to drop your guard and turn the sound up.